Ricksy Business

Beth: Speaking of disasters, Dad, we are leaving you in charge.
Rick: I know, c-can we wrap this up? Morty and I *burps* have some synthetic laser eels oxidizing in the garage.
Beth: Hey, don’t blow me off. I am drawing a line, okay? Any damage to this house or these children when we get back…and n-no more adventures with Morty.
Morty: Aw, geez, Rick, if my mom who’s the one saying it, then you know it’s pretty serious this time.
Beth and Jerry: That’s right.
Jerry: Wait, what?
Rick: Listen, you have my word as a caregiver, everything’s gonna be fine. And if not, no more adventures or whatever. It’s like that old song, “Blomp Blomp-a Noop Noop A-Noop Noop Noop.” Y-You guys know that song? From Tiny Rogerts? You never heard of it? Y-You know, the black effeminate guy from the ’50s? A-All right, whatever. Look, who cares? Just go on your stupid trip.
Jerry: Not one thing out of place. *starts car, backs out of driveway* Not a single thing. *drives away*
*Eels melt through garage door, door falls off*
Summer: Well, we’re past the point of no return. I’m going to have a party!

Summer: What do you mean you’re having a party? Are some Glip-Glops from the third dimension going to come over and play cards or something?
Rick: “Glip Glop?” You’re lucky a Traflorkian doesn’t hear you say that.
Summer: Is that like their N-word?
Rick: It’s like the N-word and the C-word had a baby and it was raised by all the bad words for Jews.

Summer: This is my chance to gain some footing with the cool kids.
Rick: That’s why you party? Boy, you really are 17.
Summer: Why do you party?
Rick: To get *burps* wr-wriggedy wriggedy wrecked, son!

Tammy: I love watching bukakke. I mean, like, I don’t know if I personally would ever do it.

Birdperson: The beacon was activated, who is in danger?
Summer: Ugh, Grandpa!
Rick: Birdperson!
Birdperson: I am pleased there is no emergency.
Rick: Oh, there’s an emergency all right. A pussy emergency! When’s the last time you got laid, ‘Pers?
Birdperson: It has been a…challenging mating season for Birdperson.
Rick: Then it’s time to get your beak wet tonight, player. Go have some fun out there Birdp-Bird-Birdperson.

Rick: Yo! What up my Glip Glops?!

Tammy: I like your feathers.
Birdperson: They are designed to attract the attention of the female.
Tammy: It’s working.
Birdperson: Tammy, I should let you know I just got out of a highly intense soul bond with my previous spirit mate.
Tammy: I’m not looking to get into a soul bond. I’m just looking for…
Birdperson: I believe Birdperson can arrange that.

Rick: Oh, great. Who invited Abradolph Lincoler?
Summer: I thought everyone was welcome.
Rick: It’s not the same, Summer. Lincoler is a crazed maniac, just a misguided effort of mine to create morally neutral superleader by combining the DNA of Adolf Hitler and Abraham Lincoln. Turns out it *burps* just adds up to a lame, weird loser.
Abradolph Lincoler: Rick, you brought me into this world. A suffering abomination, tortured by the duality of its being. But I shall finally know peace when I watch the life drain from your wretched body!
Brad: Whoa! What’s up, man?
Abradolph Lincoler: I have no quarrel with you, boy.
Brad: “Boy”? What’s that supposed to mean?
Abradolph Lincoler: It’s just-l-look, I-I don’t know how you thought I meant it, but..
Rick: Don’t look at me, dude.
Abradolph Lincoler: Look, I’m half-Abraham Lincoln, so-
Brad: So I should get on my knees and kiss your ass?!
Abradolph Lincoler: Well, no, but…uhh…You know?
Brad: What do I know? That the Third Reich will reign for a thousand years?

Rick: Huh, big star in the sky. Oxygen-rich atmosphere. Giant testicle monsters. We’ll be fine, let’s party!

Lucy: You’re gonna draw me. Then, you’re going to fuck me in that car over there.

Beth: I can’t help but feel a little guilty. I didn’t peg Lucy for a rapist.
Jerry: What does a rapist look like exactly, Beth? Is it a Slavic man wearing a denim jacket with a patchy beard and the scent of cheap champagne wafting over it’s blister-pocked lips?
Beth: What?

Lucy: Cape Fear!

Birdperson: Morty, do you know what “wubba lubba dub dub” means?
Morty: Uh, that’s just Rick’s stupid nonsense catchphrase.
Birdperson: It’s not nonsense at all. In my people’s tongue it means, “I am in great pain, please help me.”
Morty: Well, I got news for you. He’s saying it ironically.
Birdperson: No, Morty, your Grandfather is indeed in very deep pain. That is why he must numb himself.
Morty: Come on, um…
Birdperson: Birdperson.
Morty: Come on, Birdperson. Rick’s not that complicated. He’s just a huge asshole.
Birdperson: Then why do you care so much if you are no longer allowed to continue on your adventures together? It appears fate has presented you with an opportunity to free yourself of Rick forever.
Morty: You know what? You’re right. I shouldn’t even care. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I’m sick of having adventures with Rick.
Birdperson: My people have another saying, “gubba nub nub doo rah kah.” It means, “whatever lets you sleep at night.”