Rick and Morty Quotes

Morty Jr: I hate video games!
Morty: You take that back!

Summer: You speak when you’re spoken to ding-a-ling!

Jerry: And it was born on America’s soil which entitles it-
Beth: Jerry, majoring in civics was your mistake. Don’t punish us for it.

Summer: Grandpa Rick, where are we going?
Rick: Well obviously Summer, it appears the lower tier of this society is being manipulated through sex and advanced technology by a hidden ruling class. Sound familiar?
Summer: *gasps* Ticketmaster.

Jerry: Hey, uh, 1995 called! They want their “certain year called wanting its ‘blank back’ formula back!
Beth: Why, Jerry? Why expend the effort?
Jerry: Life is effort, and I’ll stop when I die.

Morty: Hey, there’s no dangers or anything, or side effects, right?
Rick: W-W-W-What am I, a hack? go nuts, Morty. It’s foolproof. *Morty leaves* Eh, unless she has the flu.

Rick: It’s koala mixed with rattlesnake, chimpanzee, cactus, shark, golden retriever, and just a smidge of dinosaur. Should add up to normal humanity.
Morty: I don’t that doesn’t make any sense, Rick. How does that add up to normal humanity?
Rick: What, Morty, you want me to show you my math? I’m sorry a-are you the scientist or are you the kid that wanted to get laid?

Girl 1: I had sex with Billy.
Girl 2: But you were already pregnant!
Girl 1: Yeah, so what’s the worst that could happen?
News Anchor: We interrupt “Pregnant Baby” with breaking news.

Jerry: I wish that shotgun was my penis.
Beth: if it were, you could call me Ernest Hemingway.
Jerry: I don’t get it, and I don’t need to.

Brad: I throw balls far. You want good words? Date a languager.

Summer: Grandpa, go home and drink.

Mr. Needful: This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women. Free of charge. One never pays here, not with money.
Goldenfold: Nothing to read into there. Thanks!

Mr. Needful: I mean seriously, I may be “the devil” but your Grandpa is the devil. I just want to go back to hell where everyone thinks I’m smart and funny.

Jerry: Pluto was a planet, some committee of fancy assholes disagree. I disagree back. Give me a ping-pong ball.

Goldenfold: This aftershave made women want me but it also made me impotent!
Mr. Needful: A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold. A price for everything. *laughs*
Goldenfold: *sobbing* Oh, my god! How could I not see this coming?! My lust! My greed! I deserved this!
Rick: This serum should *burps* couteract the negative effects.
Goldenfold: Holy cats! Ladies let’s get out of here. I haven’t learned a thing!

Leonard: Your mother and I have shared body, and soul, and when minds and souls are joined for eternity and when eternity is at the door, it’s an invitation to let go of the body and an opportunity to share and experiment.
Jerry: Dad, please. What are you saying?
Beth: Whatever it is, it’s beautiful, Leonard, and we support you.
Jerry: Hey, speak for yourself, because it *laughs nervously* sounds like you’re about to say Jacob is your lover.
Leonard: No, no, no, no, no, no. Jacob is your mother’s lover. *chuckles* I watch them sometimes from a chair and sometimes from a closet, almost always dressed as Superman. *smooches*
Jacob: Oh. Jerry, this ham has got to be all you, right? It’s incredible. *chuckles*
Summer: Happy human holiday, Dad.

Rick: Morty, can you get to the left nipple?
Morty: Are you kidding? I’m hoping I can get to both of ’em, Rick.