Rick and Morty Quotes

Jerry: Yeah! You like that? Now who’s unremarkable? You hungry for apples? *squeaking intensifies* Are you hungry for apples?! *squeaking stops* *sighs deeply* *chuckles* Oh, my god. That’s the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.

Rick: Morty, u-uh, come on. There’s a family emergency.
Goldenfold: Stop right there! If he leaves, I’m giving him an “f.”
Rick: He doesn’t care.

Prince Nebulon: All right, everybody. Two parts plutonic quarks one part cesium *fizzing* A-and listen, I’m sorry for yelling earlier. I-I couldn’t ask for a better staff. I love you guys, and i love all Your families. And the final ingredient-*ship blows up*
Jerry: Whoa! What the hell?! W-what happened back there?
Rick: why don’t you ask the smartest people in the universe, Jerry? Oh, yeah. *burps* you can’t. They blew up.

Prince Nebulon: Oh, my god, Rick. How dumb are you? You’re inside a simulation Of a simulation Inside another giant simulation! *laughs* W-we never had the recipe for Concentrated dark matter. But we do now! We do now, sucka!
Rick: you simulated my Grandson’s genitalia?! Y-y-you bunch of diabolical sons of bitches!
Zigerion: Kevin fought real hard to supervise that project.
Kevin: You said you weren’t gonna tell anyone! I’m never gonna live this down, am I?

Cynthia: Sir, the, uh, doctor’s appointment to examine the discoloration on your butthole flaps was-
Prince Nebulon: Too loud, Cynthia. Too loud and too specific.

Annie: You can put your fingers wherever you want.
Rick: Morty, you want to put it on mute or something? I’m-I’m trying to concentrate.

Rick: Look, I-I-I *belches* I don’t have time for you to wrap your little walnut around everything. Just hold your breath until the process is over or your lungs will collapse.
Morty: What proc-*screams*

Summer: Dad, I’m not giving you my phone.
Jerry: Put it in the stocking, summer, or I’m joining Facebook.
Summer: *gasps*

Rick: Morty, can you get to the left nipple?
Morty: Are you kidding? I’m hoping I can get to both of ’em, Rick.

Morty: Hey, just so you know, I-I-I’m actually 14. So, you know…
Annie: What?
Morty: Not 12.
Annie: Okay.
Morty: You know, because he just said I was 12.
Annie: Oh. Good for you.
Rick: Oof. Ugh. Morty. Strike one.

Rick: Letterman from a time line where Jerry’s famous-
Jerry: Wait!
Beth: What in the hell?
Rick: I agree. Where is this going?
Jerry: No, the other thing! Go back!
Rick: Really? All right, fine.
Girl: Glenn, this is a court order. It says you can’t eat shit anymore.
Rick: All right, Jerry, when you’re right, you’re right. Now I’m hooked.

Summer: I don’t see anything.
Beth: Well, you should select a different timeline, I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, there’s a chance you weren’t even born. That came out wrong. That came out very wrong.
Summer: Fine, I’ll find a world where you bothered to have me.

Summer: Boring.
Rick: Summer, you just spent three months, watching a man choose a fake wife.

Rick: Now who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows from different dimensions and then who wants to narcissistically obsess about their alternate self?
Jerry: I want to obsess about myself.

Morty: Hey, uh Y-Y-Y-You doin’ okay? I-I-I kind of know how you feel, Summer.
Summer: No, you don’t. You’re the little brother. You’re not the cause of your parents’ misery. You’re just a symptom of it.
Morty: Can I show you something?
Summer: Morty, no offense, but a drawing of me you made when you were 8 isn’t gonna make make me feel like less of an accident.
Morty: That, out there? That’s my grave.
Summer: Wait, what?
Morty: On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world. So we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one.
Because in this one, the world wasn’t destroyed. And in this one, we were dead. So we came here, a-a-and we buried ourselves, and we took their place. And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast, 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse.
Summer: So, you’re not my brother?
Morty: I’m better than your brother. I’m a version of your brother you can trust when he says, “Don’t run”. Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV.

Jerry: Beth, do y-you still love me?
Beth: Ugh, what kind of question is that?
Jerry: The “yes or no” kind? *laughs nervously*
Beth: Jerry, do you wan homeless people to have homes?
Jerry: Yes.
Beth: Are you gonna build them?
Jerry: No.
Beth: Then what good was the “yes”?
Jerry: Wait, I-is loving me the house or the homeless people?
Beth: Loving you is work, Jerry, hard work, like building a homeless shelter nobody wants to say no to doing it, but some people put the work in. So, what do you say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me?
Jerry: Sort of.
Beth: Then I obviously sort of love you, don’t I? So stop asking, and maybe I’ll love you more.

Rapper: I love Morty and I hope Morty loves me I’d like to wrap my arms around him and feel him inside me.
Morty: Oh, crap.