Rick and Morty Quotes

Summer: I don’t see anything.
Beth: Well, you should select a different timeline, I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, there’s a chance you weren’t even born. That came out wrong. That came out very wrong.
Summer: Fine, I’ll find a world where you bothered to have me.

Rick: I’m proud of you, Morty.
Morty: Hey man, I don’t give a crap about myself, Rick.

Voice Over: Man. Woman. And now trunk men? We know science has created men that have a trunk that allows them to have sex with both male and female partners. But we don’t like the idea of these people getting married. Put a line in the sand everybody–people! Vote no on proposition XW2.
Guy: The act that says that gay uh trunk people can get married. Who needs it?
Guy 2: Not on my watch!
Voice Over: Paid for by Michael Dennys and The Denny Singers.

Voice Over: Last Will and Testa-meow: Weekend at Dead Cat Lady’s House 2.
Jerry: Well, somebody in Hollywood just lost their job.
Voice Over: Written and directed by Jerry Smith.

Jerry: Sometimes small true-true different than da big true-true.

Rick: Yo! What up my Glip Glops?!

Tammy: I like your feathers.
Birdperson: They are designed to attract the attention of the female.
Tammy: It’s working.
Birdperson: Tammy, I should let you know I just got out of a highly intense soul bond with my previous spirit mate.
Tammy: I’m not looking to get into a soul bond. I’m just looking for…
Birdperson: I believe Birdperson can arrange that.

Tammy: I love watching bukakke. I mean, like, I don’t know if I personally would ever do it.

Birdperson: The beacon was activated, who is in danger?
Summer: Ugh, Grandpa!
Rick: Birdperson!
Birdperson: I am pleased there is no emergency.
Rick: Oh, there’s an emergency all right. A pussy emergency! When’s the last time you got laid, ‘Pers?
Birdperson: It has been a…challenging mating season for Birdperson.
Rick: Then it’s time to get your beak wet tonight, player. Go have some fun out there Birdp-Bird-Birdperson.

Birdperson: Morty, do you know what “wubba lubba dub dub” means?
Morty: Uh, that’s just Rick’s stupid nonsense catchphrase.
Birdperson: It’s not nonsense at all. In my people’s tongue it means, “I am in great pain, please help me.”
Morty: Well, I got news for you. He’s saying it ironically.
Birdperson: No, Morty, your Grandfather is indeed in very deep pain. That is why he must numb himself.
Morty: Come on, um…
Birdperson: Birdperson.
Morty: Come on, Birdperson. Rick’s not that complicated. He’s just a huge asshole.
Birdperson: Then why do you care so much if you are no longer allowed to continue on your adventures together? It appears fate has presented you with an opportunity to free yourself of Rick forever.
Morty: You know what? You’re right. I shouldn’t even care. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I’m sick of having adventures with Rick.
Birdperson: My people have another saying, “gubba nub nub doo rah kah.” It means, “whatever lets you sleep at night.”

Girl 1: I had sex with Billy.
Girl 2: But you were already pregnant!
Girl 1: Yeah, so what’s the worst that could happen?
News Anchor: We interrupt “Pregnant Baby” with breaking news.

Principal Vagina: Principal Vagina here don’t let the name fool you. I’m very much in charge. Reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but if you have the flu, stay home. The flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration.You don’t bring dead babies to passover.

Morty: Hey, there’s no dangers or anything, or side effects, right?
Rick: W-W-W-What am I, a hack? go nuts, Morty. It’s foolproof. *Morty leaves* Eh, unless she has the flu.

Rick: It’s koala mixed with rattlesnake, chimpanzee, cactus, shark, golden retriever, and just a smidge of dinosaur. Should add up to normal humanity.
Morty: I don’t that doesn’t make any sense, Rick. How does that add up to normal humanity?
Rick: What, Morty, you want me to show you my math? I’m sorry a-are you the scientist or are you the kid that wanted to get laid?

Morty: Rick, what about the reality we left behind?
Rick: What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty? The answer is don’t think about it.

Rick: Listen, tonight we’re gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and we’re gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you A’s in math, Morty. That way you can, you know, y-you’re gonna help me with my science, Morty, all the time.
Morty: Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing, couldn’t you have just, you know, helped me with my homework?
Rick: Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it.

Morty: Oh, man, what’s going on?
Rick: Well, it’s possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity’s cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty.