Rick and Morty Quotes

Rick: Hey, Morty.
Morty: What?
Rick: Hey, little buddy.H-h-how you doing in here right now?
Morty: Aw, geez, Rick. What are you doing, man?
Rick: Y-y-you’re a good kid, Morty. Y-you’re a real l-little c-character, Morty.
Morty: Oh, boy.
Rick: You know, I had a really rocky road today, M-Morty. You’re my little friend, aren’t you? *sighs* We had some good times together, huh, m-Morty? We–You’re a real true hero out in The field. You’re a li–You’re a real trouper, huh, M-M-Morty?
Morty: Have you been drinking, Rick?
Rick: I really appreciate you, Morty.
Morty: O-Okay, cool. A-All right, Rick
Rick: You little son of a Bitch! Y-y are you a simulation?! Huh?! Are you a simulation?!
Morty: No! No! No!
Rick: You little son of a Bitch!
Morty: *gasping*
Rick: I-I-I’m sorry, Morty. Y-you’re a good You’re a good kid, Morty.
Morty: Geez!
Rick: Y-you’re a good You’re a good kid.
Morty: Oh, my god!
Rick: *snoring*
Morty: W-W-What the hell? What a life.

Prince Nebulon: All right, everybody. Two parts plutonic quarks one part cesium *fizzing* A-and listen, I’m sorry for yelling earlier. I-I couldn’t ask for a better staff. I love you guys, and i love all Your families. And the final ingredient-*ship blows up*
Jerry: Whoa! What the hell?! W-what happened back there?
Rick: why don’t you ask the smartest people in the universe, Jerry? Oh, yeah. *burps* you can’t. They blew up.

Prince Nebulon: Oh, my god, Rick. How dumb are you? You’re inside a simulation Of a simulation Inside another giant simulation! *laughs* W-we never had the recipe for Concentrated dark matter. But we do now! We do now, sucka!
Rick: you simulated my Grandson’s genitalia?! Y-y-you bunch of diabolical sons of bitches!
Zigerion: Kevin fought real hard to supervise that project.
Kevin: You said you weren’t gonna tell anyone! I’m never gonna live this down, am I?

Morty: What’s with mom?
Rick: Oh, what’s with mom? So, you’re saying that she’s acting weird? How soph*burps*isticated. Careful, guys. You’re gonna burn out the CPU with this one.

Rick: Uhp, uhp, uhp! Morty, keep your hands off your ding-dong! It’s the only way we can speak freely.

Mr. Needful: This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women. Free of charge. One never pays here, not with money.
Goldenfold: Nothing to read into there. Thanks!

Goldenfold: This aftershave made women want me but it also made me impotent!
Mr. Needful: A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold. A price for everything. *laughs*
Goldenfold: *sobbing* Oh, my god! How could I not see this coming?! My lust! My greed! I deserved this!
Rick: This serum should *burps* couteract the negative effects.
Goldenfold: Holy cats! Ladies let’s get out of here. I haven’t learned a thing!

Morty: Hey Rick, I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend. You think you could help me out?
Rick: Whatever.
Jerry: Well, I mean, traditionally science-fairs are a father-son thing.
Rick: Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing.

Rick: Have you acquire creepy specific old stuff from a mysterious antique or thrift store that gives you powers but fucks with you in unforeseeable ways? Bring it to “Curse Purge Plus.” *burps* I use science to un-curse the items for cash, and you get to keep the powers. This guy got mysterious sneakers to make him run faster but guess what? He would have had to run until he died, making them worthless. I removed the curse, making them worth, like, I don’t know, $8 million. See you at the Olympics. This eerily intelligent doll was threatening to murder its family, now it does their taxes.
Doll: Everything’s deductible.
Rick: Don’t pay for cool stuff with your soul, pay for it with money. You know, like how every other store in the world works? We’re located at First and Main in Old Town. Come on-come on down.

Robot: What is my purpose?
Rick: You pass butter.
Robot: Oh, my god!
Rick: Yeah, welcome to the club pal.

Rick: Oh, great. Who invited Abradolph Lincoler?
Summer: I thought everyone was welcome.
Rick: It’s not the same, Summer. Lincoler is a crazed maniac, just a misguided effort of mine to create morally neutral superleader by combining the DNA of Adolf Hitler and Abraham Lincoln. Turns out it *burps* just adds up to a lame, weird loser.
Abradolph Lincoler: Rick, you brought me into this world. A suffering abomination, tortured by the duality of its being. But I shall finally know peace when I watch the life drain from your wretched body!
Brad: Whoa! What’s up, man?
Abradolph Lincoler: I have no quarrel with you, boy.
Brad: “Boy”? What’s that supposed to mean?
Abradolph Lincoler: It’s just-l-look, I-I don’t know how you thought I meant it, but..
Rick: Don’t look at me, dude.
Abradolph Lincoler: Look, I’m half-Abraham Lincoln, so-
Brad: So I should get on my knees and kiss your ass?!
Abradolph Lincoler: Well, no, but…uhh…You know?
Brad: What do I know? That the Third Reich will reign for a thousand years?

Birdperson: Morty, do you know what “wubba lubba dub dub” means?
Morty: Uh, that’s just Rick’s stupid nonsense catchphrase.
Birdperson: It’s not nonsense at all. In my people’s tongue it means, “I am in great pain, please help me.”
Morty: Well, I got news for you. He’s saying it ironically.
Birdperson: No, Morty, your Grandfather is indeed in very deep pain. That is why he must numb himself.
Morty: Come on, um…
Birdperson: Birdperson.
Morty: Come on, Birdperson. Rick’s not that complicated. He’s just a huge asshole.
Birdperson: Then why do you care so much if you are no longer allowed to continue on your adventures together? It appears fate has presented you with an opportunity to free yourself of Rick forever.
Morty: You know what? You’re right. I shouldn’t even care. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I’m sick of having adventures with Rick.
Birdperson: My people have another saying, “gubba nub nub doo rah kah.” It means, “whatever lets you sleep at night.”

Beth: Speaking of disasters, Dad, we are leaving you in charge.
Rick: I know, c-can we wrap this up? Morty and I *burps* have some synthetic laser eels oxidizing in the garage.
Beth: Hey, don’t blow me off. I am drawing a line, okay? Any damage to this house or these children when we get back…and n-no more adventures with Morty.
Morty: Aw, geez, Rick, if my mom who’s the one saying it, then you know it’s pretty serious this time.
Beth and Jerry: That’s right.
Jerry: Wait, what?
Rick: Listen, you have my word as a caregiver, everything’s gonna be fine. And if not, no more adventures or whatever. It’s like that old song, “Blomp Blomp-a Noop Noop A-Noop Noop Noop.” Y-You guys know that song? From Tiny Rogerts? You never heard of it? Y-You know, the black effeminate guy from the ’50s? A-All right, whatever. Look, who cares? Just go on your stupid trip.
Jerry: Not one thing out of place. *starts car, backs out of driveway* Not a single thing. *drives away*
*Eels melt through garage door, door falls off*
Summer: Well, we’re past the point of no return. I’m going to have a party!

Rick: Yo! What up my Glip Glops?!

Lucy: You’re gonna draw me. Then, you’re going to fuck me in that car over there.

Jerry: And it was born on America’s soil which entitles it-
Beth: Jerry, majoring in civics was your mistake. Don’t punish us for it.

Rick: Great, now I have to take over a whole planet because of your stupid boobs.