Rick and Morty Quotes

Mr. Meeseeks: Everybody sto-o-o-p! Look at me! My brothers, nothing will be accomplished by shedding Meeseeks blood. None of us can die until our job is done.
Mr. Meeseeks: The job can’t be done! We’ll never get two strokes off his game!
Mr. Meeseeks: No, we won’t. But we will get all strokes off his game.
Mr. Meeseeks: Where’s he going with this? What’s he mean?
Mr. Meeseeks: When we kill him!

Rick: *panting* run! *gasps* Morty, do it! Hit the button now!
Morty: I can’t do it, Rick! They’re my parents and sister!
Rick: Morty, I already told you it’s not your family! They’re clones from an alternate reality, possessed by demonic alien spirits from another dimension’s future! Do you need a mnemonic device or something? Just hit the button, already!

Rick: Oh, great adventure, buddy. Rick and Morty go to giant prison. You know, if somebody drops the soap, it’s gonna land on our heads and crush our spines, Morty. You know, I-I-I-It’ll be really easy to rape us after that.
Morty: We’re gonna be okay, Rick.
Rick: How? They took my portal gun. This is an open-and-shut case, Morty. You know, w-w-w-what do you think’s gonna happen, some magical angel’s gonna show up and then-
Lawyer: Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum! I smell the violation of civil liberties! Your honor, I’m from a tiny-persons advocacy group and I have here in my hand a motion to dismiss. These little men were never read their giant rights and are therefore free-fi to fo-home.
Rick: W-What the hell is he talking about?
Lawyer: They’re free to go, is what i meant. I-I-I’m deconstructing our our our thing we say. For giants. Nobody got that? Whatever.

Rick: God, Morty, what a boring start to an adventure. I don’t w-w-w-why didn’t we just go to Kentucky?

Mr. Meeseeks: I’m Mr. Meeseeks, look at me!

Goldenfold: All right, who can tell me What 5 x 9 is?
*students whispering* Morty?
Morty: Uh, me?
Goldenfold: What is 5 x 9?
Morty: Umm you know, it’s uhh at least 40.
*students gasp*
Goldenfold: Morty, that’s exactly correct! Come up here. Whoo! Way to go, Morty! Everybody, this is the best student.

Morty: Ugh! I’m gonna get an “f” in class, Rick.
Rick: Morty, that’s not class. T-t-t-that wasn’t your teacher. This isn’t your school. This entire world is not the world. We’re inside a huge simulation chamber on an alien spaceship.
Morty: Wait a minute. W-what are you talking about?
Rick: It’s all fake *burps* Morty, all of it. Nanobotic renderings, a bunch of crazy fake nonsense, Morty. I couldn’t say so until we got In the shower. They won’t monitor us in here.
Morty: Monitor us?! W-who?!
Rick: Zigerion scammers, Morty. The galaxy’s most ambitious, least successful con artists. You know, it’s lucky for us they’re also really uncomfortable with nudity.

Jerry: Yeah! You like that? Now who’s unremarkable? You hungry for apples? *squeaking intensifies* Are you hungry for apples?! *squeaking stops* *sighs deeply* *chuckles* Oh, my god. That’s the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.

Prince Nebulon: Oh, a-and by the way, I don’t have discolored butthole-flaps. That was part of the simulation.
Cynthia: Oh. Uh, sir, should i cancel that appointment, then?
Prince Nebulon: Yeah! Of course you should! *chuckles* No, keep it. Move it up, actually, if you can.

Prince Nebulon: All right, everybody. Two parts plutonic quarks one part cesium *fizzing* A-and listen, I’m sorry for yelling earlier. I-I couldn’t ask for a better staff. I love you guys, and i love all Your families. And the final ingredient-*ship blows up*
Jerry: Whoa! What the hell?! W-what happened back there?
Rick: why don’t you ask the smartest people in the universe, Jerry? Oh, yeah. *burps* you can’t. They blew up.

Summer: This is my chance to gain some footing with the cool kids.
Rick: That’s why you party? Boy, you really are 17.
Summer: Why do you party?
Rick: To get *burps* wr-wriggedy wriggedy wrecked, son!

Birdperson: Morty, do you know what “wubba lubba dub dub” means?
Morty: Uh, that’s just Rick’s stupid nonsense catchphrase.
Birdperson: It’s not nonsense at all. In my people’s tongue it means, “I am in great pain, please help me.”
Morty: Well, I got news for you. He’s saying it ironically.
Birdperson: No, Morty, your Grandfather is indeed in very deep pain. That is why he must numb himself.
Morty: Come on, um…
Birdperson: Birdperson.
Morty: Come on, Birdperson. Rick’s not that complicated. He’s just a huge asshole.
Birdperson: Then why do you care so much if you are no longer allowed to continue on your adventures together? It appears fate has presented you with an opportunity to free yourself of Rick forever.
Morty: You know what? You’re right. I shouldn’t even care. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I’m sick of having adventures with Rick.
Birdperson: My people have another saying, “gubba nub nub doo rah kah.” It means, “whatever lets you sleep at night.”

Beth: I can’t help but feel a little guilty. I didn’t peg Lucy for a rapist.
Jerry: What does a rapist look like exactly, Beth? Is it a Slavic man wearing a denim jacket with a patchy beard and the scent of cheap champagne wafting over it’s blister-pocked lips?
Beth: What?

Summer: What do you mean you’re having a party? Are some Glip-Glops from the third dimension going to come over and play cards or something?
Rick: “Glip Glop?” You’re lucky a Traflorkian doesn’t hear you say that.
Summer: Is that like their N-word?
Rick: It’s like the N-word and the C-word had a baby and it was raised by all the bad words for Jews.

Rick: Oh, great. Who invited Abradolph Lincoler?
Summer: I thought everyone was welcome.
Rick: It’s not the same, Summer. Lincoler is a crazed maniac, just a misguided effort of mine to create morally neutral superleader by combining the DNA of Adolf Hitler and Abraham Lincoln. Turns out it *burps* just adds up to a lame, weird loser.
Abradolph Lincoler: Rick, you brought me into this world. A suffering abomination, tortured by the duality of its being. But I shall finally know peace when I watch the life drain from your wretched body!
Brad: Whoa! What’s up, man?
Abradolph Lincoler: I have no quarrel with you, boy.
Brad: “Boy”? What’s that supposed to mean?
Abradolph Lincoler: It’s just-l-look, I-I don’t know how you thought I meant it, but..
Rick: Don’t look at me, dude.
Abradolph Lincoler: Look, I’m half-Abraham Lincoln, so-
Brad: So I should get on my knees and kiss your ass?!
Abradolph Lincoler: Well, no, but…uhh…You know?
Brad: What do I know? That the Third Reich will reign for a thousand years?

Morty: Hey, uh Y-Y-Y-You doin’ okay? I-I-I kind of know how you feel, Summer.
Summer: No, you don’t. You’re the little brother. You’re not the cause of your parents’ misery. You’re just a symptom of it.
Morty: Can I show you something?
Summer: Morty, no offense, but a drawing of me you made when you were 8 isn’t gonna make make me feel like less of an accident.
Morty: That, out there? That’s my grave.
Summer: Wait, what?
Morty: On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world. So we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one.
Because in this one, the world wasn’t destroyed. And in this one, we were dead. So we came here, a-a-and we buried ourselves, and we took their place. And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast, 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse.
Summer: So, you’re not my brother?
Morty: I’m better than your brother. I’m a version of your brother you can trust when he says, “Don’t run”. Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV.

Trunk Person: Hi, I’m a trunk person. And I want I-I feel love in my heart, too, just like you.
I want to be able to express that love, with both a man and a woman. And I won’t be able to If Denny and The Denny Singers get their way.
Guy: Hey, let the trunk people have sex and get married, huh?
Voice Over: Paid for by…Trunk People.