Epidemiology

Annie: They can make us sick by biting us. The banana said so.

Abed: Troy, make me proud. Be the first black man to make it to the end.

Troy: Get away from those hotties!
Troy: You’re safe now, but if that thing comes back I’m gonna need one or both of your phone numbers.
Girl: Yeah, right.
Jeff: I’m wearing a $6,000 suit, and you spent three days making cardboard robot armor.
Troy: You’re saying they feel sorry for you?
Jeff: I’m saying I remind girls less of taking their little brothers to Comic-Con.

Dean Pelton: Add Eat, Pray, Love soundtrack to workout mix.

Dean Pelton: I’ve been told we need a little baby quarantine until the army gets here.
Everyone: The Army!?
Dean Pelton: I know, right? They said to wait for six hours. Stay strong.

Shirley: Leonard, you better back that pumpkin ass up or I will make a pie.

Abed: Hey, where’s your costume?
Troy: Trying something new.
Abed: But our costumes go together, and if you’re not in yours I’m just a guy in a spandex suit and a bike helmet.
Troy: Well, I’m a sexy Dracula.
Abed: You mean vampire?
Troy: I don’t need to know which Dracula I am to be a Dracula. Nerd.

Chang: Guess who I am?
Britta: Michelle Kwan?
Chang: Wrong.
Jeff: Kristi Yamaguchi?
Chang: Peggy Flemming. Just been proven racist by the racist prover.

Jeff: Have you noticed a weird vibe taking hold of this party? It’s like every fifth person is on something seriously hardcore.
Britta: Yeah I wonder who’s holding…the key to your riddle.

Annie: He’s acting like the impression of him we do behind his back.

Annie: How much of that taco-meat stuff did you eat, Starburns?
Starburns: I didn’t eat any, my name is Alex!
Annie: Whatever it is must have transferred through Pierce’s bite.
Rich: My God, I think you’re right. Annie, you make quite the little nurse.
Annie: Thank you Rich, you’re quite a banana.

Jeff: When are the police coming?
*voice* Help is on the way
Jeff: Hello?
*voice* Help is on the way.
Jeff: Flavor Flav was right.

Rich: Good thinking Jeff…vertical fold.
Jeff: You making fun of me? That jacket is worth more than the island you were grown on Chiquita M.D.
Rich: “Chiquita M.D.”…I like it.
Jeff: Rich, this is a good time to let you know that I hate you.

Annie: Are we really just gonna sit here?
Shirley: The army’s gonna be here in six hours.
Jeff: Why six hours? Are they hosting the Oscars?
Chang: Damn! And the winner for best adapted Oscar burn, Jeff Winger, for “Oh Snap! The man who went there!”

Abed: Troy, we have to rise to the occasion like Ripley, and monster butt in our undies.
Troy: I’m not Ripley, Abed. I’m a cool, sexy Dracula. I make love to ladies, and I survive.

Jeff: Hey Rich, just so you know. I hate you less now, that’s how much I hate your normal self.

Shirley: Oh, this is how I die…As Miss Piggy.
Chang: You’re not Miss Piggy, you’re Glenda the Good Witch.
Shirley: Oh, you knew? Just so you know, I’ve always loved Peggy Fleming.
Chang: You’re not racist.

Jeff: What is up with that cat?
Troy: Is someone throwing it?
Abed: Let’s keep moving.
Jeff: No! Let’s not keep moving, because there is an insane cat down here.
Troy: Well, what about the zombies?
Jeff: Back burner, Troy! This cat has to be dealt with.

Troy: Abed! I love you.
Abed: I know.

Dean Pelton: Are you crazy!? How are you gonna survive those zombies?
Troy: I’m gonna be a nerd.
Dean Pelton: Better have a plan b.

Jeff: Whoa, hey if you get any more sweaty and puffy your costume’s gonna new levels of authenticity.