Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts

Jeff: Wireless racism, the future of the past is now.

Pierce: Second weddings are OK I guess. If I had to rank them it would go fourth, seventh, second, fifth, first, third, sixth. No, wait, first then fifth.

Britta: When’s our culture gonna outgrow this wedding thing.
Annie: You’re anti-wedding now?
Jeff: No, she’s just pro-anti.
Britta: No to everything you both said! Weddings are like little girls’ tea parties, except the women are the stuffed animals. The men are making them talk, and they’re not drinking tea, they’re drinking antiquated gender roles.
Jeff: Somebody tell Britta what an analogy is.
Britta: I know what it is! It’s like a thought with another thought’s hat on!

Jeff: Life’s too long to spend it with someone else.
Britta: It’s a sucker’s game.
Jeff: It’s a mutual cop out, I mean just nut up and die alone.

Abed: Be sure to get a DNA reading of your perspective mate, Inspector Spacetime ended up marrying himself as a baby.

Troy: We’ll try not to embarrass you at your community college library wedding.

Pierce: Oh, Shirley. I managed to setup a meeting with the dean so we can pitch him our sandwich shop idea. I’ve already registered a website. It’s uh, H-T-T-P, colon, forward slash, forward slash, W-W-W, period, members, period, webplicity custom sites, all one word, period, C-O-M.

Pierce: Great. Another business venture down the toilet. No problem, I’ve still got plan c. Ladies and gentlemen, the trouser bench. *whirring noise* Ahh. For the man on the go who makes frequent stops.
*Annie and Britta gasp*
Pierce: Will somebody please call all the ambulances?

Britta: Shirley, if that really is your excuse I will plan your wedding for you.
*Shirley laughs for literally two full minutes*
Shirley: Oh, thank you. Oh, my good god. Thank you for that.
Britta: I was serious.
*one minute later*
Shirley: Britta you’re not planning my wedding.

Britta: Yeah well, great. Flowers look good in a pot, there are people dying in Uganda.

Troy and Abed: Troy and Abed being normal.

Britta: This may shock you Annie, but I come from a long line of wives and mothers.

Britta: I’m one of the Steppenwolf Wives!

Jeff: Webster’s Dictionary defin-
Annie: GAH! Stop! Webster’s Dictionary defines? That’s the Jim Belushi of speech openings, it accomplishes nothing. But everyone keeps using it and nobody understands why.

Jeff: Hello everyone, Shirley asked me to say nice things at her wedding.
Leonard: This is the rehearsal.
Jeff: Shut up Leonard! Those teenage girls you play ping-pong with are doing it ironically!

*Jeff and Britta are fighting*
Troy (serious): There are a lot of layers to this.
Abed (serious): It’s almost too conceptual to follow, but I love it.