Origins of Vampire Mythology

Dean Pelton: On an unrelated note, I’m into trains now.

Britta: I have an ex-boyfriend that travels with a carnival.
*everyone laughs at her*
Annie: I’m sorry Britta, some things are funny because they make no sense. And that is not one of them.

Dean Pelton: Well, it looks like my news has incited some doings. And if that’s not my job, what is? Choo-choo! *runs off*
Jeff: Well, you’re also supposed to…Uh…Administrate the school.

Pierce: So, Britta. Tell us about your carnival worker boyfriend.
Britta: Why, so you all can get a big laugh?
Abed: Yeah.
Jeff: I’d love to know.
Troy: That’s the exact reason.
Britta: Fine. I’m not ashamed of my past. And if it entertains you guys, that’s great, because we’re friends. His name is Blade and…
*everyone starts laughing again*
Troy: What? Oh, no, Britta.
Jeff: She invoked friendship to undercut the laugh, and we’re still laughing that’s how funny it is!
Abed: His name is Blade, is that legal? Shouldn’t New Line Cinema be suing him?
Britta: He was called that before that stupid movie.
Troy: He was called that before the fantastic movie?
Abed: And it was a Marvel comic in 1973.
Britta: Well, nerd alert.
Pierce: Well, ex-boyfriend named Blade alert.
Shirley: Ah-ha-ha! Her love life makes Pierce seem with it.
Pierce: Her pain unifies us. She has the King Arthur of bad taste in men.
Britta: I’m glad you guys are reacting this way, I need to be reminded that he is the worst man on earth. Because if he comes through town and calls me, I will be there in five minutes.
Shirley: I don’t understand.
Britta: Uh, Andre much?
Shirley: Okay, I understand.
Annie: I don’t.
Britta and Shirley: You will.
Jeff: What’s that mean?
Pierce: He’s hung.
Britta: No, God.
Shirley: Pierce, you’re disgusting.
Pierce: Just like that I’m disgusting again. I was one of the gang, it was in my hand.

Annie: Read the banana, Britta.
Britta: “You are a lying junkie.”

Britta: I have a right to know! You’re monsters! You’re Hitlers! You’re racist pedophiles! You’re the opposites of Batman!
Troy: You don’t know what that means!

Annie *mocking Troy*: “There’s phones in the refrigerator.” It’s you.

*knock on door, Abed opens it and sees Dean Pelton*
Dean Pelton *holding root beer and potato chips*: Boys’ night!
Abed: I need help reacting to something.

Annie: She’s calling him!?
Troy: She was born in the 80s, she still uses her phone as a phone.

Annie: She’s whipped by an imaginary douche.
Dean Pelton: Hey, don’t knock it ’till you try it.