Basic Lupine Urology

Narrator: Greendale Community College is represented by two separate yet equally important types of people: The goofballs that run around stirring up trouble, and the eggheads that make a big deal out of it. These are their stories.

Jeff: If it was any consolation, she got me here on a very misleading text message.
Annie: Jeff, technically you are about to be screwed in the biology room. Because our final project has been destroyed.
Prof. Kane: All right, look. I’m sorry for your loss, I know you guys put the work in so you’ll get a passing grade.
Annie: A passing grade? Like a C? Why don’t I just get pregnant at a bus station? That was going to be an A-plus yam.
Prof. Kane: I can’t give an A-plus to everyone whose yam falls off a counter.
Annie: Somebody did this to us.
Prof. Kane: In science, we call that a hypothesis. You find something to back it up, and we can talk. Now if you’ll excuse me I was watching Mama’s Family.

Pierce: Look, why are you looking at me for this? It was my yam too. You should be talking to somebody who would want to hurt us.
Troy: And who’s that?
Pierce: Duh-doy, Todd.

Britta: I transferred or “downloaded” Todd’s photograph to this computer. And as you’ll see, with a few adjustments I can make the entire image Old West Color…I don’t know, I thought it was cool.

Abed: So you’re saying you did check out a key, but it was inside your backpack, when someone stole it off a table in the library while you where using the bathroom. And you haven’t seen it since.
Magnitude: Pop-pop!

Star-Burns: Dead yam, big deal. Order some ketchup.
Troy: That doesn’t make sense. You don’t order ketchup, it’s a condiment!
Abed: Troy, Troy, hey, walk it off! Troy, walk it off. Sorry, my friend, he’s a bad cop.
Star-Burns: Yeah.
Abed: I’m a good cop.
Star-Burns: Oh, good.
Abed: You can trust me.
Star-Burns: Okay, well…Hey! I’m not falling for that, and you got nothing on me. And I don’t have to stay here because you’re not cops.

Star-Burns: I can both see and hear you.

Abed: We named the yam Pam. It rhymed.

Troy and Abed: Why do they always–? Why do they always–?
Troy: You go ahead.
Abed: Why do they always run?

Star-Burns: Kiss me!
Quendra: What?
Star-Burns: I’ll explain later.
Quendra: No.
Star-Burns: I’ll explain later.
Quendra: The explanation isn’t the issue.

Star-Burns: Aah! Ah. Haha. All right, all right. Look, I swiped some beakers for the meth lap that I’m building in the trunk of my car. But that’s it, I didn’t kill any yam.

Troy: Todd Jacobson, you have the right to do whatever your want. Nothing you say or do can be used against you by anyone, by we’d really like it if you came with us. Please and thank you.

Dean Pelton: I’m inclined to agree with the man in uniform.
Jeff: Shocker.

Jeff: Professor, thank you.
Prof. Kane: It’s not a favor Mr. Winger. A man’s gotta have a code.
Dean Pelton: Awesome.

Troy: I’m sorry about my partner, he’s been on edge ever since we switched.

Neil: I boiled the yams. Vicki’s yam never sprouted and I didn’t want her to fail. So I threw off the grading curve so she wouldn’t have to go to summer school, and we can finally have sex in my parents’ cabin. God forgive me I did it for love!