Herstory of Dance

Pierce: And then in the season finale, they reveal the whole thing was a dream, when the Inspector wakes up next to a very young and very topless Cheryl Tiegs.
Jeff: Even Pierce loves this show now?
Abed: It’s not Inspector Spacetime. It’s the American version, and it’s a travesty. It’s broad, obvious, sexist, and the timing is-
Dean Pelton: Honey, I’m dean!
Jeff: What the hell is wrong with you?

Jeff: What a coincidean. You’re throwing a dance the same day the CDC is confiscating our drinking fountains

Shirley:: So, Britta, you’re gonna throw a protest dance? Is that a thing?
Britta: It is now. And instead of Sadie Hawkins, my dance will honor a real feminist icon, someone who worked for women’s rights every day of the year. Sophie B. Hawkins.
Annie: Uh…
Shirley: It wasn’t really-
Jeff: You know what, Britta, you’re right. A Sophie B. Hawkins dance is just what this school needs
Britta; Thanks, Jeff.
Jeff: To celebrate Sophie B. Hawkins, and all her accomplishments.
Britta: Jeez, Winger, who’s throwing this dance, me or you?
Annie: Um, Britta, I think you meant to say Susan B. Anthony, not Sophie B. Hawkins.
Jeff: Britta for the whoops! Didn’t you have a cat named Susan B. Anthony? How’d you manage to Britta that?
Britta: I didn’t Britta anything, I meant Sophie B. Hawkins.
Jeff: Really? Your plan was to throw a dance honoring the singer of Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover?

Britta: Yes. I am throwing a Sophie B. Hawkins dance. And it is gonna be amazing, and when people come they’re gonna be like, “Damn! She straight ‘Britta’d’ this! Because, that’s right, I’m taking it back!

Jeff: But come on, it was a small mistake. Call this off before it becomes a full-scale Brit-astrophe. I coined that.

Pierce: I need the computer.
Britta: Pierce, there are, like, dozens of computers.
Pierce: Yeah, but my email’s on this one.

Kevin: I’ll be spinning the hits from yesterday and today, which are basically the same to me since I have Changnesia.
Abed: That guy’s like teflon. No matter how much awful stuff he does, he keep getting another chance.
Troy: Yeah, he’s like the Colin Farrell of people.

Troy: So, was that girl an alien or a toddler with a growing disease?

Britta: Oh, yeah. Sophie be coming.
Jeff: So it just be coincidence that somebody posted a Craigslist ad an hour ago that says “Looking for Sophie B.
Hawkins, or convincing Sophie B. Hawkins impersonator to play community college dance tonight. Very little money.” It’s weird how in demand she is.
Britta: Good thing we booked her early.

Jeff: By the way, I’m surprised you let her share the cafeteria with you.
Dean Pelton: Oh, I didn’t want to. But once she guaranteed the presence of a certain someone, I couldn’t say no.
Jeff: I wouldn’t get your hopes up for Sophie B – Oh, it’s me.

Kevin: Tonight’s Sadie Hawkins dance is brought to you by Hawthorne Wipes. For the little lady who knows her place in the kitchen. And tonight’s Sophie B. Hawkins dance is brought to you by Hawthorne Wipes. Perfect for cleaning the dashboard of your ’92 Subaru.

Britta: Didn’t know Sophie B. Hawkins was so big at Greendale.
Dean Pelton: Oh, yeah. A large percentage of Greendale students sort of gave up in the mid ’90s, so for many of them Sophie B. Hawkins is the most recent music they’re aware of. I mean, her coming here is gonna be a huge boost to their spirits.
Britta: Great.
Dean Pelton: Whereas, her not showing up would be enough to push these people to such a dark place and really question whether life is worth living at all. Okay, bye-bye.

Britta: Pierce, Sophie B. Hawkins isn’t coming. Everyone’s gonna know I’m a liar, help me.
Pierce: Oh, Britta. Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine that everyone called a liar. His name was Bernie Madoff.
Britta: Pierce! He was a liar, he stole billions of dollars from his clients.
Pierce: Has this been confirmed?
Britta: Oh, my God. I Britta’d it.

Kevin: Oh, this is great. So, I got a request for, “You suck at this, get off the stage.” Okay, I don’t know if that’s the band or the song. Again, apologies. Changnesia.