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Shirley: Did you just scripture me, Muslim? Britta: I don’t even believe in God, but I love me some Abed. Shirley: C’mon, Charlie Kaufman. Some of us have work in the morning! Abed: He was like E.T., Edward Scissorhands, and…

Annie: They can make us sick by biting us. The banana said so. Abed: Troy, make me proud. Be the first black man to make it to the end. Troy: Get away from those hotties! Troy: You’re safe now, but…

Annie: Bring it in for a boob bump, ladies. Britta: It’s called a Muffin Top, Abed. Abed: Like a muffin. Clever. Britta: Women of Greendale! This cafeteria is hereby declared a bitch-free zone! Shirley: Why name your daughter Megan? Are…

Shirley: Mother Hen? I think we’re about the same age. Britta: Sure, unless time is linear. Shirley: I’ll make your ass linear. Britta: That doesn’t make any sense. Shirley: I’ll make your ass sense. Shirley: Jeff, you don’t have a…

Jeff: I’m not sure what lessons either of us managed to teach each other, but I’m proud of Annie. She took to deception like Abed took to Cougar Town. Abed: It’s really good. Annie: There’s a conspiracy here. A dark,…

Annie: I’m so glad this tragedy overshadowed Haiti. I didn’t have any ideas for that. Jeff: Did you guys hear about that turtle in China? Two packs a day. Jeff: Look, if you guys just let me get to the…

Troy: Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus. Shirley: Here, let me help you with that. Pierce: I broke my legs, not my gender. Jeff: You were born…

Abed [singing]: Give me the snow, light up the trees, deck every hall, and while you can see. Roast every nut, mistle the toe, this needs to be the best Christmas since the original. 20,000 years from now they’ll say,…

Duncan: Yes, you heard me right. I have stopped drinking. Mainly due to the fact that I could no longer get an erection. Now that I’m on the wagon, you can expect both this class and my penis to be…

Chang: I never told you this part but all Changs are born with tails. Abed: Due to an unforeseen conflict of genitals I have been disqualified from delivering Shirley’s baby so I’m going to have to walk you through it.…