Environmental Science

Dean Pelton: I’m here to kick off the first day of a new tradition at our school called Green Week.
Pierce: What? First we give a month to black history, now we’re blowing seven days on the Irish.
Dean Pelton: All this week Greendale college is becoming so earth smart that we’re changing our name to Envirodale.
Star-Burns: But we were already called Greendale.
Dean Pelton: Well, there’s, um, also going to be A free rock and roll concert by a certain band called Green Day. Huh? That make you happy?
Star-Burns: Eh, no. Not really.

*Senor Chang drags Annie’s desk out of the room*
Senor Chang: I want you all to write a one page essay, in Espanol entitled “Annie’s Mistake.”
Pierce: Why doesn’t Annie have to write it?
Senor Chang: Okay, two pages entitled “The Consequences of Questioning Authority.”
Shirley: Uh, This is Spanish 101. I know how to say hello, tomorrow and that tables are female. That’s the only Spanish you taught us.
Senor Chang: Oh? Six pages on ignorance!
Britta: Guys! Put your hands down! Senor Chang, please continue. We respect your authority.
Senor Chang: Thank you, Britta. Twenty pages on ass-kissing! Due on Monday.
Annie *from outside*: This Monday?

Pierce: You know, if Senor Chang gets any crazier he’s gonna win one of those Grammy awards *laughs*.

Troy: I’m not afraid, Abed. I choose not be around rats because they are unpopular. Same goes for centipedes and lakes.

Jeff: In a way, all of you are right. Okay, what was I tuning out?
Annie: You have to get Chang to call off some of this homework. You’re the one with the silver tongue.
Pierce: Yeah, go tongue Chang.

Jeff: You want me to risk the “c” That I’m pulling in that psycho’s class by putting myself on his radar? I mean, that guy goes any more nuts, he’s gonna win a Grammy.
Troy: you are hilarious.
Abed: That’s very funny.
Shirley: He’s funny.
Pierce: What is it, the chair?
Britta: Jeff, how do you think you’re gonna keep pulling a C in that psycho’s class if he keeps assigning this much work?
Jeff: Because I have you guys.
Annie: Well, guess what, handsome hobo. Your gravy train’s leaving the station. Chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a.

Senor Chang: You make no mistake about this, Winger. I pleasured that woman greatly.
Jeff: Yeah. You look like you would have to. I’m not surprised you said that.

Troy: Everybody shut up! I’ll kick all your asses! But y’all have to come up here!

Pierce: And try attention-grabbing words to wake up the audience, such as, uh, “multiple orgasm.”

Senor Chang: The difference between usted and tu is a matter of formality. Pepe, usted es viejo. You are old. Alberto, usted es feo. You are ugly. Shakira. Shakira, y Tupaco, west side! ustedes estan sucios. You are dirty.
Troy: Dude.
Senor Chang: Still formal, but plural. Because while both are dirty, neither are my friends. Okay?

Annie: You devious clump of overpriced fabric and hair product.
Shirley: Speaking as one of the meek, as soon as I inherit the earth, you a dead man.
Troy: You got a weird forehead.
Britta: We’re all very disappointed.
Pierce: All right, dial it back a little, Britta.

Annie: Are you breaking up with the group?
Jeff: That’s what you guys want. *walks away*
Pierce: It’s all right, I’ve been divorced seven times. Don’t answer your phones and bury all your money in the backyard.

Troy: Why do you care so much?
Pierce: I don’t.
Abed: Because Fievel’s going to die.
Pierce: I’d rather die than listen.
Annie: Who’s going to die?
Shirley: Yeah.
Abed: The dean says the exterminator is coming because of our rat.
Pierce: I’d like to exterminate this conversation.
Britta: What are you doing?
Abed: He’s sitting in Jeff’s chair, So he’s trying to act like Jeff.
Everyone: Oh! *groaning* oh.
Pierce: Oh, an email.

Pierce: If he gets any nuttier they’re gonna put him on The View.
*Annie laughs*
Troy: That works, yeah.
Pierce *leaning back in his chair*: What are we gonna do? We’re gonna study. *falls over* Ah!

Troy: Whoa. What model did you get?
Abed: It’s the Tsunami 3000 Anniversary Edition. You?
Troy: The Devil’s Drench XJ11, this is gonna be awesome. We should establish base camps, what part of the library do you want?
Abed: I’ll take north east, north east is closest to the drinking fountain which is the best-
Pierce: All right, guys, are we gonna do this thing?
Troy: *laughing* Pierce, I hope that’s the tiny gun that you throw at us to confuse us, while you grab the giant gun that’s duct-taped to your back.
Abed: Seriously, this hardly seems like a fair fight.
*Pierce shoots them*
Abed: Ahh!
Troy: *screams* Oh, it’s pepper water! Oh, it’s pep-Who puts pepper in water!?